Jon, studies show that internships are becoming an increasingly necessary aspect of any successful resume, and are being embraced by young professionals everywhere as a new work-experience essential. Unpaid internships enable wet-behind-the-ears college students to cut their teeth on the fast-spinning grindstone of the 9 to 5 workday, and provide them with the valuable experience of being exploited for their labour. Truly, the internship experience has become an American workplace staple, as embraced by America’s youth as fluffernutter sandwiches and military service. 

Or so we’ve been led to believe.  

A new debate is emerging in America, one that questions the Americanism of the American internship. Many Americans have grown uneasy with the internship concept, claiming that it enables foreign citizens to enter the country and take the jobs that taxpaying, God-fearing American office-workers supposedly “don’t want, and won’t do.” An influx of Canadian interns working in America has some citizens calling for increased border security, and President Bush recently rejected the notion of singing the National Anthem in French.  

Are Canadian interns hurting America? I decided to find out. I applied for an internship in the United States in order to conduct some undercover journalism. As a Canadian, I was very concerned that America wasn’t equipped to defend itself from myself.  

I applied for an internship with an organization called Citizens for Global Solutions, a Washington-based interest group that promotes global engagement and multilateral solutions to global problems. After overlooking the numerous forgeries on my resume, they offered me an internship with their government relations department. Jackpot. 

I was eager to see what kind of jobs ordinary Americans “won’t do.” As it turns out, ordinary Americans don’t want to conduct research, attend Congressional hearings, publish articles, research electoral races, or attend campaign fundraisers. And they definitely don’t want to attend meetings on the Hill. 

I was blown away. Wasn’t I supposed to be making coffee? Or doing data entry? Or folding envelopes? I couldn’t understand why CGS was giving me, a Canadian, such substantive, responsible, fascinating work. It was the most unpatriotic thing I’d ever seen. 

I was then shocked to discover that my co-workers treated me with kindness, respect, and friendliness. They delighted in teaching me things. They worked hard to keep me interested and busy. They went out of their way to sign me up for appointments and lectures that I might like to attend. They valued my input and opinions. They invited me out for lunch and other social activities, and gave me lots of encouragement, direction, and support. In short, they were totally un-American.

What was going on here? I was expecting a dash of shock and a pinch of awe, baby. I was expecting my co-workers to be a bunch of star-spangled bangers, ready to break me down faster than a Japanese car. Instead they were brilliant, friendly, passionate people that made my summer both incredible and unforgettable. I loved working with them, and was grateful for the opportunity to learn from their expertise, their passion, and their optimism. In short, they were utterly impossible.

I ended my internship with a wealth of new experience, knowledge, and drive, and a firm belief that Canadian interns are destroying America.  

To CGS: Thank you for giving me the opportunity to work for your incredible organization. This job was far more than I had hoped for. Drew, thanks for working so hard to teach me the elections language, and for being so completely likeable. Simon, thanks for tolerating my incessant questions about the American appropriations process, and for being so sharp and fun. Don, thanks for keeping us all on track, for teaching me so much, and for making this internship so rewarding. You all hate America.   

To Canada: Take advantage of a good thing, guys. This free ride won't last forever.

To America: Don’t build a fence. Just offer Canadians a “road to citizenship,” and let the melting pot do its work.

Join me tomorrow, for a report on how John Bolton plans to steal Christmas. Back to you, Jon.
 

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